Utilizing Wise Mind for Emotional Regulation

Have you ever been in a situation where it felt like your emotions completely took over and made it hard for you to think clearly? At that moment, did you wish you had a tool to help you manage those intense emotions?

Here’s the thing: everyone experiences fluctuations in their mental and emotional states – however, it’s important to have practical strategies to help yourself navigate those fluctuations. 

As someone who struggles with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), there are many times where my mind has me confused between what is real and what is not (i.e., am I actually a bad person or has my mind convinced me so?)

However, on one particular afternoon, I was trying to eat my dinner, but the thoughts swirling around my mind were so intense that I had no appetite. I was being crushed by them; my self-esteem was eroding by the second. When my husband got home from work, I was so distraught that I wanted to scream. 

The afternoon could have played out in one of two ways: first, I could have become angry and even more flustered: why on earth do I have to live with this mind? I just can’t do it anymore! Second, I could recognize that I was getting sucked back into the OCD cycle, and I didn’t have to let it consume me. I could remember that the sunshine often helped pull me out of dark holes. I could ask my husband if he would like to go paddle boarding, and he would say yes. I would feel better before nightfall. No screaming would be involved.

What’s the difference between the first and second option? The one key thing setting them apart? Wise mind.

Navigating intense emotions with Wise Mind

Strong emotions can cloud judgement and lead to impulsive behaviors. That’s why it’s important to have a toolbox of effective coping strategies you can turn to in such times so that you can effectively manage your emotions without getting sucked into a cycle of emotional reactivity.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) tool of wise mind is a powerful tool that can help you find the balance between emotional and rational thinking. 

Wise mind takes into account the idea that there are two modes of thinking one can use to interpret any emotional situation: emotional thinking or rational thinking.

Please don’t misunderstand: one mode of reasoning is not better than the other. However, it is helpful to understand both. On one hand, emotional thinking relies on emotional states to make decisions (hence, the name). Because of the nature of this mode of thinking, emotional rationalization tends to be more reactive and also can make utilizing reason and logic more difficult. 

It can be helpful to think of the emotional mind as the space many people go into when they are feeling stressed or overwhelmed. 

On the other hand, a rational mind approaches decision-making from an intellectual standpoint, utilizing more facts, research and planning as opposed to emotions. When I think of the rational mind, I think of the times when I come to my husband with a problem and he immediately tries to solve it instead of validating my feelings (sound familiar? haha).

Again, a rational mind is not better than an emotional mind, and vice versa – in fact, the “best” place to be is a wise mind – the perfect balance between the two. Wise mind relies on intuitive thinking, living mindfully, self-compassion and acceptance. 

Combining Wise Mind with the 15-minute rule

Wise mind sounds great, in theory, but how do you get into that space, especially during moments of overwhelm?

My favorite way to do this is to utilize what I call the 15-minute rule. If I become aware that I am in a heightened emotional state, or that I am experiencing intense emotion, I set a boundary with myself that before I act on any of my thoughts, try to solve a problem or do anything at all, I have to wait at least 15 minutes. 

For example, in the situation from the beginning of this blog, if I am feeling myself getting drug down into a hole while I am trying to eat my dinner, rather than focusing only on the emotions of that moment, I tell myself that if I still feel like crying or screaming in 15 minutes, I will, but until then I will give myself that time to notice what I am feeling while still being in the present moment.

That is the key to feeling your emotions in a healthy way: you feel without getting catapulted into another planet. You feel without getting consumed by your feelings. 

During the 15 minutes, it is helpful to participate in strategies like deep breathing, gentle movement or listening to music. Doing so creates a pause, allowing the wise mind, and, thus, healthy emotional regulation, to take over.

Implementing Wise Mind for healthy emotional regulation

It is important to find the balance between emotions and reason. In fact, it is only then that you honor your emotions without being consumed by them. However, because it can be difficult to implement a wise mind, it is important to start with small steps, practice regularly and start with experimentation at first until you are able to get into a wise mind space without  much difficulty. 

Utilizing the 15-minute rule can be a powerful tool and practical coping strategy in reminding yourself to get into a balanced space before making any decisions. For further reading on wise mind, check out this resource.