The Problem With Believing “I Can’t Do This Without God”

One of the biggest hyperfixations I had when my Scrupulosity Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was at my peak was chapter seven of a book called Preach My Gospel. For those who are not/never have been members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this book is most commonly used for members who are preparing to become missionaries. However, it can also be used by church members in general to deepen their understanding of the gospel.

The chapter I focused so much on was all about the attributes of Jesus Christ:  patience, charity, diligence, etc. I spent a significant amount of time studying and setting goals for how I could adopt them into my life, but there was one in particular that I got more hung up on: humility. In fact, obsessing over how to be sufficiently humble is a common Scrupulosity OCD worry!

Scrupulosity OCD and pride

For me, pride was the deadliest sin. If I allowed pride into my life, I would face drastic consequences – God would send me trials to teach me a lesson, I would be left without his help and influence in my life, etc. 

Because of this fear, I was afraid of being proud of myself or even believing I could do any task without God. I didn’t know how to handle any of my accomplishments in a way that was acceptably humble!

This was the fuel for a lot of my compulsory praying and repenting. But not only that, it also complicated my relationships because I was so worried about being in the wrong (or worse, being prideful) during conflicts. It led to me losing any sense of self-esteem I did have.

However, the good news is that although humility and pride can still sometimes be a trigger for me, it is much less so! In that regard, I wanted to share a list of what I have come to believe humility is and isn’t for anyone who struggles with the same thing:

Humility is:

• Allowing God into your life 

• Nurturing your faith

• Accepting responsibility for the mistakes you do make, without compromising on setting boundaries for yourself

• Allowing yourself to be proud of your accomplishments

Humility is not:

• Attributing every single one of your accomplishments to God, saying “I didn’t do any of this on my own,” etc.

• Taking the full blame for relationship conflicts because you’re scared of being prideful

• Praying for direction with every single decision you make

• Beating yourself up because you want to be humble about all of your mistakes

Healing from Scrupulosity OCD

Sometimes we get so caught up on trying to be good enough that the lines get muddied. And for many, especially for those with Scrupulosity OCD, the lines between humility and pride can be incredibly blurred.

That’s why I’m here: to remind you that trying to adopt the Christlike attribute of humility into your life doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your self-esteem and sense of pride. It’s okay to believe that you are capable of handling things and accomplishing things and that it’s simply a blessing that God can be there to support you. That’s what I value believing.