Making Friends at Church When You Have Scrupulosity OCD

Sometimes when you participate in church events when you have Scrupulosity Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), it can feel like you are the only one experiencing the symptoms that you do. 

This is only exacerbated when you hear people at church sharing their testimonies or making certain comments during discussions. In fact, you might even feel like it’s taboo to talk about your struggles, whether it’s your doubts, your difficulties with self-esteem or some of your intrusive thoughts. 

However, when you have Scrupulosity OCD, it’s more important than ever to feel connected in some way to the people you worship with. In this blog, we’ll discuss how even though OCD can sometimes be an isolating condition, it can also be the avenue through which you create meaningful connections with others.

People appreciate authenticity

If you’re in a space where you’re feeling like your Scrupulosity OCD is hindering your ability to make friends with the people you attend church with, I would like to offer a different perspective: can you think of a time when you were at church and someone DID mention that they didn’t have perfect faith or that certain things at church are hard for them sometimes?

Were those people ever met with anything except compassion? Did their realness and vulnerability ever make you feel anything other than seen?

Sharing simple Scrupulosity experiences fosters connection

To help illustrate my point, I would like to share a story with you. 

When I was in the middle of being stuck in my avoidance compulsion, some church leaders messaged my husband to see if they could come visit with us at our home. Because I felt like they most likely wanted to come over because we were less active members and they would want to try and get us to come back, I did not want to go through with the visit. 

I expressed those feelings to my husband and he ended up never responding to the message. About a week later, I was sitting on our front porch working on a crochet project when two church leaders approached and asked if they could come inside. 

Because I didn’t want to be unkind, I allowed them inside to chat with my husband and me. The visit went very well until one of them asked if we would be willing to accept a calling within the ward (in my church, this essentially means accepting a volunteer position and could be anything from teaching Sunday School to working with the youth, etc.). 

I surprised myself by immediately explaining that I would not speak for my husband, but that I was not currently in a position to accept a calling because I was dealing with a mental health condition called Religious OCD. I told them that at the point I was currently in in my healing journey, attending church was very difficult for me and that I was doing the best I could to get to a healthy place before I jumped back into things.

They were very understanding, even though I was very basic in my explanation of what Scrupulosity OCD is. They were also very kind and respectful regarding me declining a calling at that time. One of the men’s wives even texted me a couple of days later asking me about my crochet project!

The point in me sharing this story is that although it can be terrifying to open up about what you’re going through, most of the time, it will lead to you making connections with the person or people you are sharing with. And you don’t have to give them an entire breakdown of what Scrupulosity OCD is – it can be as simple as, “I have a condition that makes it very difficult for me to ____ (interpret the gospel in a way that favors self-compassion, etc.)”. This resource offers helpful suggestions for how you can briefly explain the condition to others.

Scrupulosity OCD wants you to feel alone – but you don’t have to be

If you’re anxious at church or are struggling to make friends who may relate to your struggles with Scrupulosity OCD on any level, see how it feels to share even a piece of your burden. Sometimes all it takes is a simple comment in a lesson or finding one person you can trust to make all the difference.

For more information about how you can develop more positive feelings towards your Scrupulosity OCD (and use it to help you make meaningful connections), check out this blog post.