How Do You Know You’ve Been Forgiven by God if You Have Scrupulosity OCD?

Even people who don’t have Scrupulosity Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) wonder how they can know when they’ve truly been forgiven by God for their sins. They may read scripture passages to help them answer the question, or pray and ask God for reassurance that they have been forgiven. 

So why should those with Scrupulosity OCD avoid seeking an answer to this question? The answer is simple: it's the perfect trap for getting stuck in the OCD cycle. In fact, any question that is extremely difficult (if not impossible) to get a definitive answer to can be tricky for individuals with OCD.

In this specific example, the person with OCD may go around and around in thought loops about whether they repented correctly, if they made the same mistake too many times, or did a good job of righting their wrongs.

So how can you know if you’ve been forgiven by God if you have Scrupulosity OCD without getting into the OCD cycle?

You're forgiven when you feel the Spirit

Growing up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was taught that the Holy Spirit would be with me consistently as long as I was worthy. I was also taught that it could not exist at the same time as fear, doubt, guilt or shame – and thus that feeling guilt probably meant I had something to be guilty for. 

Although there have been some changes now, this narrative reinforced the narrative that if I felt fear, doubt, guilt or shame (all common emotions in those with OCD), that I needed to repent. 

In my OCD brain, I rarely considered that there could be a multitude of reasons why I may not feel the Holy Spirit, like depression, anxiety, stress or even OCD itself. Thus, I consistently found myself analyzing all of my thoughts and actions, trying to find the sin I didn’t repent for correctly. I was consistently trying to find out how I could know I was truly forgiven by God.

You're forgiven when you don't feel guilt

In my early twenties, I traveled to another country to volunteer my time to serve others and teach them about the church I believed in. During my service, there was a high standard and focus on worthiness. “Exact obedience” was what they called it. 

I believed there would be consequences if I was not worthy enough to be a missionary, which exacerbated what I was already going through. During a particularly difficult episode, I approached the person who was over the missionaries in that area and asked him the very question this blog is about: “How can I know if I’ve really been forgiven by God?”

In response, he said, “When you don’t feel guilty anymore.”

I took it in stride, of course – but looking back, although that answer may have worked well for other people, that was a nightmare for my OCD.

Scrupulosity OCD and feeling forgiven

So now to get to the real answer to that question: you don’t. The harsh truth is that f you have Scrupulosity OCD, you shouldn’t even address that question. Instead, be mindful of your compulsions surrounding reassurance and confession and repentance. Repent if you believe you should, and then don’t address intrusive thoughts surrounding if you did so correctly or not. 

Ultimately, just like intrusive thoughts, guilt doesn’t always need to be taken seriously. All of your uncertainties don’t have to have an answer. And when you recover from Religious OCD, religion will look a lot different than it did before recovery. It will no longer be about answering questions and being worthy. Rather, it will be about living your values – and hopefully, your values have nothing to do with living a life without guilt anymore.