Does God Think You’re Using Scrupulosity OCD as an Excuse?

Have you ever heard Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) be referred to as the doubting disorder before?

If you haven’t, it’s important to note that this is a very common “other name” for OCD – in fact, I heard it for the first time from my own therapist very shortly after I was first diagnosed with OCD! 

The name derives from the fact that OCD thrives on a chronic intolerance of uncertainty, which therefore results in chronic doubting. For example, Scrupulosity OCD’s most common thought loops are based around intrusive thoughts like:

• Did God really forgive me for that sin?

• Do I have a strong enough testimony?

• Am I humble enough?

At first glance, these thoughts may not look like they stem from doubt – but all of them do. Ultimately, the individual with OCD gets trapped in the OCD cycle because they are trying to solve thoughts that have no answer (and even if they do appear to have an answer, that answer is easily doubtable). 

However, what many people may not know about OCD is that the doubts that are a part of the doubting disorder know no boundaries. In fact, for many who are diagnosed with OCD, they regularly go back and forth about whether their diagnosis was even accurate!

Doubting the actual OCD diagnosis

I first doubted whether I actually had OCD just a couple of weeks after my initial diagnosis. I had just begun Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP), which is known as the gold standard treatment for OCD. It consists of individuals exposing themselves to the doubts and fears posed by their intrusive thoughts without doing a compulsion to cope with the anxiety that arises. 

ERP is very difficult, especially at the very beginning when an individual may already be overwhelmed with realizing how much OCD is involved in their life. I remember one particular day when I was feeling overloaded with all of this, when suddenly I got the thought, “You don’t actually have OCD. You’re just pretending so that you will get attention.”

Because this was my first experience with this intrusive thought, I, of course, bought into it, and became extremely distressed. And this cycle of chronic doubt doesn’t tend to go away after that first experience. In fact, those doubts often evolve and become more complex over time, and may even evolve to something like: Does God think that I’m pretending to have Scrupulosity OCD just so that I have an excuse to be disobedient?

Are you using Scrupulosity OCD as an excuse to sin?

This doubt began to crop up as the types of exposures I did as part of ERP progressed. While I initially was doing “simpler” exposures to help me get started, I eventually was asked to do things like skip church even though I wasn’t sick, or not repent when I said a prayer. 

It was then that I began to think to myself, “This is getting to the point now where God thinks you’re using this ‘condition’ as an excuse to be sinful.”

This is a very sticky thought that can cause a lot of anxiety. It can complicate the process of OCD treatment and recovery because it can lead to the Religious OCD sufferer wondering whether their OCD treatment is a sin in and of itself. 

That’s why it’s so important to remember that doubts such as, “Does God think I’m using Scrupulosity OCD as an excuse?” should be treated for what they are: intrusive thoughts.

How to approach the doubts of the doubting disorder

By remembering that the doubts that come up as part of the doubting disorder are nothing other than a regular intrusive thought that spurs the OCD cycle, it can be much easier to acknowledge and move on from them. 

So how do you respond to these intrusive thoughts and doubts? 

1. Acknowledging the doubt/intrusive thought (Ex: “There’s that same old story about ___ coming up again”).

2. Sit with the anxiety without doing a compulsion (Try naming how the anxiety feels in your body). 

3. Move towards your values (“I value self-respect, which in this situation, means honoring my diagnosis. I will sit with this anxiety for 10 minutes and then read my favorite book).

In my experience with these types of doubts coming up in my Moral OCD, I eventually came to value that if God were real, He was much more loving and understanding than I previously thought He was. Making this one of my core values gave me an anchor to move towards during my ERP.

Maybe God thinks you’re using Religious OCD as an excuse, maybe He doesn’t

In short, wondering if God thinks you’re using your Scrupulosity OCD as an excuse is a common doubt that comes up for those struggling with the disorder – which means you’re not alone! And you can find solace in stories like mine: I used to stress about this thought every day, and now, when it comes up, it barely bothers me at all!

So, if you’re in the trenches of the doubts that come up in the doubting disorder, I’ll leave you with this: Maybe God thinks you’re using your Scrupulosity OCD as an excuse, and maybe He doesn’t!