How to Have Self Compassion When It Feels Impossible

Picture this: you are standing in a dirt field, holding a shovel. Day after day, your position changes: you either start to dig yourself into a hole, or you stay standing where you are. What determines which action you take?

Awareness. 

Managing your mental health is very similar to the above scenario: if you are not aware of what is going on with your thoughts and responding to them intentionally, you could be digging yourself into a hole – little by little every day – without even realizing it. Before you know it, you could find yourself at the bottom of a deep, dark hole. 

Once you find yourself at the bottom of such a hole, it can be incredibly difficult to express self compassion. You might even start to wonder, “How am I ever going to get out of this hole if I can’t even have self compassion? What am I supposed to do when I’m starting to wonder if I even DESERVE to feel better?”

Of course, the best thing you can do is to become aware of when you are digging yourself into a hole so you can start climbing back out before you reach the pit. However, it’s impossible to do that every time. You’re human. That’s why this blog post exists: so you have access to practical strategies for navigating times when self compassion feels impossible.

Practical strategies for having self compassion in difficult times

1. Make self compassion part of your daily life

If you’re reading this from the bottom of your hole, don’t be alarmed – there are plenty of helpful tips to come in this blog. However, before I dive into those, I wanted to give a little disclaimer: it’s important to compile a toolbox of skills you can turn to when times are tough.

That being said, it will be a lot more difficult to utilize those skills when you’re struggling if you are using them for the first time. The key is to master these skills when you are doing well so that they feel like second nature when you really need them. 

Struggling to know where to start? I’m compiling a guide full of tools you can practice when you’re doing well (and turn to when you’re struggling). It will be available, for free, soon! Follow me on Instagram to stay in the loop.

2. Know your values and turn to them

One example of a skill you should practice all the time is turning to your values, or deciding what is most important to you and using those things to anchor you to the present moment. 

Aligning with your personal values can create a sense of direction and purpose. For example, if you choose courage as one of your core values, you can turn to that in moments of uncertainty. If you choose self-respect, you can remind yourself of that when your mind is bullying you.

For more information on values-based living and how you can utilize your values to anchor you, download my free resource.

3. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the art of being aware of what is going on within, and around, you at any given moment in time. Utilizing mindfulness can help create space between your thoughts and your feelings and help you be more emotionally aware.

Some of my favorite ways to practice mindfulness include naming one thing I am experiencing with each of my senses, focusing on how my feet feel touching the ground and saying to myself, “Hello, nice to meet you in this present moment” to remind me to stay in the here and now.

4. Use the phrase, “I don’t have to make this mean so much”

When someone is struggling to express self compassion, they often catastrophize and create negative narratives. Therefore, it is important to not be afraid to challenge your own interpretation of events. 

The best way to do this is to use the phrase, “I don’t have to make this mean so much.” This phrase can help you to stop thinking that every single thing is important, go with the flow and restructure your thoughts to be more helpful to you. 

5. Start small by just noticing your emotions

Self compassion does not have to consist of grand gestures. You can express self compassion simply by acknowledging your feelings without judging yourself for having them.

This type of emotional awareness is the perfect place to start for those who are at the bottom of the pit. Don’t overwhelm yourself – instead, just focus on noticing what feelings are coming up and not doing anything about those feelings. Just let them be.

The power of taking one step

Progress begins with a single step, no matter how small that step is. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the difficulty of taking that first step, I see you. Know that it is possible to find hope, and implementing the strategies described in this blog post is a great place to start.

Whether you’re just starting to dig yourself into a hole or you have some climbing to do, I encourage you to practice one of these strategies today – whether it’s mindfulness, exploring your values or just noticing your emotions. 

For more information on how to have self compassion when it feels impossible, check out this resource.