3 Ways You Can Support a Loved One with Scrupulosity OCD

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) affects so many more people than just the person suffering from the disorder. In fact, it can cause an entire family to hurt.

When someone with OCD dissociates, grows irritable, struggles with a relentless need for control or operates within repetitive thought loops, it’s not just difficult for others to understand – it’s painful. It’s to watch someone you love suffer. 

Plus, all of the emotions surrounding religion add another, even more complicated layer to all of this. When intrusive thoughts and compulsions center around faith and doubts, it can feel personal. It can feel high stakes.

Three ways to support your loved one with Scrupulosity OCD

In the year and a half since I received my Scrupulosity OCD diagnosis, I have learned that the following three things are the most helpful when it comes to supporting someone you love who has Scrupulosity OCD:

1. Don’t just listen – listen without judgement

If someone with Scrupulosity OCD is confiding in you, having an open mind is crucial. Try not to get sucked into what your church teaches about what is being said. Rather, allow and encourage your loved one to be in a grey area, lean into uncertainty and get comfortable having a nuanced relationship with religion.

For more information about my personal experience with my husband doing this, check out this podcast episode.

2. Educate yourself about compulsions

After an OCD diagnosis, the sufferer has a lot of learning to do. In my case, I didn’t even know what the disorder was (outside of the hand-washing and locking doors stereotypes). I had to learn not just what the OCD cycle was, but also how it was working in my life and my relationship with religion.

This meant that a lot of my compulsive behaviors were exposed – tapping my fingers together, making to-do lists, journaling about my day, asking for reassurance, praying, confessing my mistakes. 

These compulsions were so automatic that I needed help to stop them. My husband did this in two ways: first, by holding my hands together when he noticed I was tapping, and second, by not feeding into the OCD cycle by giving me reassurance. 

Again, this can become more complicated when religion is involved, but it’s important to not support the OCD sufferer’s need for certainty, even when it comes to faith and testimony.

3. Don’t be afraid to meet with their therapist

If gaining OCD education is overwhelming, or if you are facing other challenges, don’t be afraid to ask your loved one’s therapist if you could meet with them. They can help you with all the need-to-know information about your loved one’s OCD and offer helpful tips for how to support them.

My husband was able to learn exactly how to respond when I came to him for reassurance in a way that promoted my recovery. We couldn’t have done that without working together with my therapist. 

However, perhaps more importantly, a therapist of your own could help you manage the emotional strain that could be put upon you by watching a loved one struggle with OCD.

How to take care of yourself when your loved one has Scrupulosity OCD

Bottom line, even though you want to help your loved one with Scrupulosity OCD, don’t forget that you can’t do that unless you take care of yourself first. If your loved one is coming to you and you are not in the right headspace, communicate that to them. 

If you don’t have it in you to get educated about OCD, do it at your own pace. This is your journey too. Be patient with yourself. Take care of your own emotional health first.

For more information on how to healthily support a loved one who has Scrupulosity OCD, check out this resource.